Redundant/Wally World

I've been watching TV a lot this past week either because I have been home from work with sick children or because I have been snowed in. I've been watching the local news (www.nbcwashington.com) for updates on the weather and I have noticed the UMUC commercial  is played about 4 times an hour. I don't think that the commercial is funny as far as the general content goes (it's just a commercial advertising a college). It's the name of the institution that amuses me. UMUC stands for the University of Maryland University College (click here for the website if you don't believe me). Look back and read the name one more time. Isn't that sorta like saying "I had a Pepsi-cola soda of Pepsi with my lunch meal at around noon." It's a repetitive title that states what it is more than once (yes, I realize that sentence is redundant too... that is part of the joke). I'm not picking on the college/university (in definition they are basically the same thing), but I think that the institution should consider a name change altogether because UMUC pronounced as a word ("YOU MUCK") sounds kinda funny too.

Unrelated, I noticed a packaging error on a Wal-Mart product. My boys have been consuming a lot of infant's/children's acetaminophen lately to keep their fevers down. We had one bottle of the infant's formula that was purchased not too long ago that ran out, so naturally we went to the store and got another. When I was using the last of the older bottle, it only gave me a partial dose (get to the point Greg, you're losing them), so I went to the other bottle and noticed this:

Both are the exact same packages, both came filled up to the top. One clearly says 1 FL OZ and the other says 1/2 FL OZ. Which package is telling the truth and which is lying? I don't have any conspiracy theories (feel free to send me one, though), I just thought it was kind of funny, and a little sloppy on Wal-Mart's behalf. I will take any opportunity I get to pick on Wal-Mart a little.

Pandas Schmandas

I live in the Washington D.C. area, which means that I have been inundated with news about poor Tai-Shan the Panda (pictured above with mom) at the Smithsonian National Zoo moving back to Beijing this week. The outcry from the public has been amazing. There was even a woman on the news, crying, when the move was announced back in December, as if a family member was given a couple of months to live. Honestly, the grief that this average zoo attendee was expressing is equivalent to the grief that characters on Lifetime movies feel in those emotional hospital scenes when their best friend, who was in a car accident, is in a coma and takes that turn for the worse.

Flatline... 
Cue the dramatic crescendo... 
Director: "Ok Joan! Give us your best waterworks and make sure some of your makeup smears."  



All for an animal at the zoo?!? I'm not anti-animal. I can understand developing a relationship with a pet that lasts year. Loyalty means a lot to me and dogs show more loyalty than a lot of people I know. So, of course you're going to cry when your 15 year old Golden Retriever dies. She was a damn good dog! But a f*&king Panda at the zoo? An animal that doesn't know you from any of the other two million people that visit the Smithsonian every year? An animal that would sooner rip your face off than give you a big ol' bear hug?


http://www.telegraph.co.uk/earth/earthnews/3311260/Panda-attacks-boy-in-Beijing-zoo.html

Look lady! Be happy for Tai Shan! He is going back to Beijing to be a part of a breeding program because Pandas are endangered! He is going to be the happiest place for a male Panda on Earth! The land of catered food and multiple orgasms a day! Plus, as an added bonus, he will be looked at as a hero for helping to save his species! It's really a great thing for him. Now get back in your Expedition and go home... your family misses you! 

HEY MEGAN!

I discovered this on a recent trip to Bloom...

Ok, let's say that Megan Fox has hit a very low point in her life and is no longer the mega-star sex-symbol that she currently is... Let's stretch this a little further and also say that she has taken up random grocery store hookups as a hobby and her tour of food markets of the US has brought her to norther Virginia. The stars have aligned and she happens to run into the desperate Transformers fan boy that wrote this piece of graffiti. By the time she has made her way to Virginia from California, she has done the deed with every Tom, Dick, and Harry she meets in the middle stall, but this guy is different. She turns him down. That's right folks. Megan Fox, even as a hopeless used up piece of meat, has pride. This guy blew it when he couldn't spell her name right.
This is probably the perpetrator:

The picture isn't very clear because my hand was a little shaky (from laughing) when I snapped. I'm going to play fashion critic for a moment. He is wearing pajama pants, a white t-shirt, and (you can't quite make it out) a Fedora (the hat that Humphrey Bogart made popular). It was ridiculously cold that day, so the pajamas were strange enough, but the Fedora?!? He is either the most confident person in the world or the highest.

Further Thoughts on Last Night's Post

You know, I understand hip hop and car culture. Thanks to songs that have been written about material possessions, such as cars, some people have really embraced this and brought elements of the music into their own lives. This young person decided to put large, flashy rims on his car. Great! He set a goal, saved up his money, and bought those rims! I may be biased here. I look about as hip hop as Ward Clever (I'm a teacher, but, I really love a lot of rap from the late 80's and early 90's (De La, Rakim, early-Wu Tang, Tribe Called Quest)) and I drive a Ford Focus (Lil' Wayne has never and WILL never write a song about good gas mileage). However, by putting big, flashy rims on a beat up, old Buick; are we not polishing the proverbial turd here? Another question... Isn't advertising the size of the rims in big numbers on the windows equivalent to if I were to decide to be super macho one day and wear a shirt that reads "I have a huge penis and proportionately sized testicles" ? I think I am going to have that shirt custom made today!

MY NEW BLOG!/ SOMETHING I SAW AT WAL-MART!

Thank you for checking out my new blog "The Failed Blogger." When I first started blogging, I was fooling myself. I thought that my audience would actually reach beyond the realm of my friends and family. After 3 years... it didn't. Thus the pseudonym. I plan to follow the same free format (writing about things that amuse me and my opinions). The difference? No starry eyed visions of people in other parts of the world giving half a sh#% about what I think about the state of the world. I'm not taking down my old blog. I'm just not posting there anymore. ENJOY!

Umm, excuse me sir... I couldn't help but notice the wheels on your '88 Buick Rendezvous. They are exceptionally large! What size are they? Oh! Of course! Silly me. Why, I should have looked on your window where the size of your wheels is posted in large numbers. They are 24 inchers! Spectacular!

And judging by the rest of your car, I'm guessing that the rims are the most valuable part! A little duct tape might fix that!