BALD!

For those of you who haven't seen me in the last five years, I have a confession. I went bald. I haven't committed completely to it by shaving with a straight razor (mostly because the thought of slipping and slicing my head scares the shit out of me, not to mention the "oh so attractive" scab that would develop), but rather I buzz it on the lowest setting of my clippers and leave the tiniest bit of stubble. I look like a man who has male pattern baldness. If I don't clip every week, I develop the muffin top look on my head (hair is thicker on the sides and extremely thin on top) and I don't like it. In all honesty, overall, I think I look fine. I would say that I am definitely more attractive now than when I was younger. More importantly, my wife still thinks I'm good looking.
Because of my hair affliction, advertisements like this one have become more apparent to me:




(yes, I purposely picked a very old commercial because this guy has funny hair thanks to Rogaine)

I recently saw the newest Rogaine commercial (which I couldn't find to embed in this posting) and it pissed me off a little. It depicts this guy who is going bald and he wears a baseball cap a lot because he is ashamed until he regrows some hair with Rogaine and now he doesn't wear it anymore. Now, I wear a baseball cap a lot, but it's not because I am ashamed of my head. It's because I don't want skin cancer. When I first started going bald, I went through a phase when I tried the hair thickening shampoos and I went through the whole "OH MY GOD, I AM GOING TO LOOK DIFFERENT" phase. I even tried Propecia. I was using that until my wonderful wife pointed out to me that studies have shown that the stuff in Rogaine (minoxidil) and Propecia have been shown to have sexual side effects in a certain percentage of men who use them. That snapped me out of the depression and into the acceptance phase. They don't openly advertise that in the commercials, though. "Sure you're going to look more attractive in the dating world, but you're not going to be able to have sex with the people you attract with the help of your full head of hair because your member is going to be as limp as a wet noodle." *Truth in advertising sells nothing* So, I ask you baseball cap guy: is losing your ability to get an erection really worth gaining hair on your head? Or, do you maybe think you need to start dating slightly less shallow people?

Marketing side-note:
I recently went into Rite Aid and noticed their new generic store brand water.

If you look on the back side of the bottle, the label reads "Allergy warning: May contain the blood and bone fragments of horny teenage campers" in very small lettering.

*For those of you not alive in the 80's, it's a reference to the Friday the 13th movies. Crystal Lake is the name of the campground where...  Oh forget it...