Last week I went to visit my family in northern New York. In my travels, naturally, my eye for life's subtleties (and my childish sense of humor) took over and I came back with some things to report...
My boys really dig animals, so we visited a couple of the area's nature themed attractions to entertain them. The first excursion was to the Robert Moses Nature center in Massena, NY. I saw the world's largest Paper Hornets' nest:
and met Stinky the Stinkpot turtle:
...clever.
You are probably as enthusiastic about this as I was. The kids were entertained, though, and that is all that matters. On the way back home, we stopped at Dairy Queen for ice cream. While the rest of the family was ordering food, I had the chance to flip through a local newspaper and spotted this gem:
This is such a confused advertisement. I have nothing against sex shops, but if you run one you have to know your target audience. There is nothing that says "I will not be getting laid tonight" more than this wizard (or is it a "warlock" because that makes more sense because it rhymes with Myke Hawk... and that guy has a funny name). Who are they trying to appeal to? Is it the 35 year old role playing game addict who is too busy playing WOW to have a girlfriend even if he did make a concerted effort to get rid of the man teets, shave his back, and treat his acne and find a girlfriend that didn't mind the fact that he still lives with his parents, has a strangely semi-incestuous relationship with his mother, and wears a Final Fantasy t-shirt in public? Because, if so; THAT guy needs a vibrating c*&k ring and a doubled ended dildo, stat! Plus, no one is ever going to buy Uncle Don's Exotic Interludes THE BOARD GAME because Uncle Don is not a name that you want in bed with you!
The next stop in our tour of the nature centers of the area was The Wild Center in Tupper Lake, which was actually very worthwhile. They had interesting exhibits (including the moose before the first paragraph), some interesting plants:
(I still don't understand this one)
weird gifts like these VERY expensive beads (before they were marked down because no one was buying them) made of recycled flip-flops:
(I still wouldn't pay 50 bucks for them)
and the strange water conserving toilets with flushing directions:
Ok, I get it. Press up for pee, and down for poop. But, what if I am being chased by the cops because I am under suspicion of drug possession and I have a large amount of cocaine to get rid of in a hurry, but I want to conserve water while I am doing it? Sure, the cocaine is in powder form and it is going to mix into the water nicely, but if I press the lever up, is that going to provide enough water pressure to dispose of the contraband before the police get to me? Or, should I just press down and risk wasting more water than necessary?
Editor's Note: MYSTERY OF THE "NO JAKES" SIGN SOLVED!
Last posting I pondered a sign in Pownal, VT that I thought was the work of an insane person with a grudge against the Jakes of the world. I showed my father the same picture during my visit and he immediately asked me if the trailer in question is located at the bottom of an incline? I confirmed that it is and he deftly pointed out that this is not the work of a person low on their Thorazine intake, this is merely a person who is sick of hearing Jake Brakes (on trucks with large diesel engines) being used on the way by their house. I was so disappointed... I was hoping it was a crazy person.
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